Ray[s]ville

My beloved kampung.

2007-01-09T13:25:00.000+08:00

At the first sight of the old faithful Baram river, i took one deep long breath to savour the moment. I was unable to identify any of the different scent of the trees nor the river. I wanted to ask the driver, but quickly withdrew the idea after realising how silly the question would be. Whatever the scent was, i decided to named it the jungle scent.

The last time i went back to Lio Mato was ten years ago. I could hardly recall the memories and time i spent there. Apart from meeting my grandparents uncles, aunties and cousins, i also remembered playing soccer at one of the Christmas tournament in kampung.

I must admit that i was a bit terrified and numb knowing that i would be going back to Lio Mato after a very long time. I felt almost senile, as if i betrayed my kampung for the pleasures of the cities. As though i was no longer a part of this Kenyah community. I felt that i don't belong here.

I remembered how my body stiffened when my father announced that we are going back to Lio Mato for Christmas. I didn't received it well. I knew he could tell from my face expression. I was thinking of something smart to say and tried to make an excuse, but all i could forced to do was a slight smile in approval.

I'm glad that i decided follow my family to go back to Lio Mato. It was a very meaningful time. It was God's present for me this Christmas. For the first time in many years, we come back as one big family and celebrate Christmas together. Though i couldn't converse very well in kenyah, by just being there felt that i was already speaking to them.

As i post this entry, i heart misses all my family back in kampung. I could almost feel the warm tears i shed when i waved goodbye to them as we left Lio Mato. My heart was growing fond of my big family in kampung when it was time to go. It felt almost cruel, parting us when we were getting close.. Nevertheless, they are still close to my heart... a part of who i am now.

I know i have changed in some ways after my visit to Lio Mato. It was a heart warming moment to be able to embrace this big family of mine. Now, i have a mission for my kampung. I wish to help my cousins, especially those in secondary school now in their studies. Two of them are doing quite well and i know that they could go far. I spoke to them about studying in Universtiy and hope to spur them to achieve high in their studies.

I also took family photos of different uncles and aunties. I wish to print it big and framed the photos for them. Apart from that, i have also promised myself to sharpened my kenyah language... hehe..

This is the view of Lio Mato from the sampan i was on.
According to my cousin Emang, Lio it's the only kampung with coconut trees.

This is our temporary longhouse. A new one is expected to be built.

I woke one morning and saw this beautiful morning scene

A waterfall near a logging camp.

SMK Lio Mato School. Only have five classes with 4 teachers.

At our LasT......

2006-11-13T16:25:00.000+08:00

Last friday was my last bible study session for the year 2006 with Politeknik students. I have decided that it would be a good time to have a closing for our bible study. Therefore i decided to do two things for our last bible study together. First, we did a honest with God approach bible study.

We use manuscript from 1 Peter 2:1-5 then 9-10. It was the most simple bible study method. It just amazing how the usage of "bare lines" could potray dissagrement, struggles and achievements. It was something simple, yet hard to do.

The reason being is that it forces us to look at ourself at the mirror.. to see the real us. With "bare lines" as expresions, we identify with God's Word. We also struggle and wrestle with issues that clings our hearts. Most importantly when we come to God in honesty, we are stripped from everything which eventually lead us to come to God in total humility.

I'm glad that the students appreciated it. Before we ended, i asked if any of them wanted to share. None did. I was not sure then whether they were captured by the Word. But later i realised that to many of them, it was difficult to share and i understand that. A student came to me and said 'thank you.' When i asked why, he answered, "The passage today was meant for him" He struggles but he seems glad to able to be honest with God. I know this because when i do it, it wasn't easy too..

Inspired by Annette, i have also decided to have a bible quiz for the students. Over the months, we have look into some encounters of Jesus, Jonah and also the book of Philippians. I design some quiz questions and gave the students at the end of the bible study. You can't imagine the looks of the students face when i announced that we'll be having a quiz. Poor fellas, they never saw it coming... hehe. Perhaps it's also because that they will be having their finals soon.

Anyway, it was also a meaningful moment. Andy, scored the highest points. He is a regular comer for the Bible study. Later, i reminded the students about being a Wordilicious Investigators... to dig deep into the Word of God.

I have always appreciated this bible study. Why?
1. It forces me to stretch myself, thinking out of the box and digging deeper in the Word.
2. It was a venue for me to encounter God as well. Even as i prepare for it, i could also feel God was dealing with me.
3. I was so inspired by these students who comes with a heart of wanting to have more of God's Word.

Before i end, to all the Politeknik students, all the best in your exams. Let us be Wordilicious Investigators at anytime and anywhere...

The students after the received their quiz results.

The above pic is before they received it. hehe

Our discoveries about God and self.

That's Andy in the middle.

From left: Colin, Simon, Sam (the one who drank from the sea), Baralyn (blue t-shirt), I forget her name (sorry), Paya (Pink t-shirt) and the nakal James.

The most handsome person is in the red t-shirt :p

"I tasted the sea...."

2006-10-30T16:59:00.000+08:00

I went for politeknik camp on the 13th to the 15th of October. The theme for the camp was "Hendaklah engkau menjadi teladan pada masa mudamu." Quite a strong theme, i thought to myself. I was asked to give two workshops and i only have three days to prepare (they only asked me three days before).

The camp was held in camp permai. A camp site which the CF has been faithfully gone over the years. Probably one of the reason being is that the camp site has a beautiful beach. It's ashamed that i didn't have my camera with me. I could have taken some pictures and upload it in the blog.

Pendekkan cerita, i manage to prepare. We had a group dynamic for the first workshop. It was something similiar to a treasure hunt. One of the station was the beach. The task on the beach was simple, find a coke hidden somewhere. There's this one guy by the name of Sam, after his group found the coke, he ran to the end of the beach where the sea met the sand. Then he folded his long trousers up to his knee and went deeper in to the sea. He tightens his fingers as if he was begging, dip his hand into the sea and pull out a handful portion of seawater. Then he did the unexpected, he drank it.

There was this shine on his face. It was almost as if he was enlighten. Then he ran to me and said this. "Bro Ray. Betul apa orang kata selama ini. Laut tu memang masin.." You may be laughing, but i wish you could his face when he said those words. There were expresions of innocence and pure at heart. I was so moved. I could almost feel beads of tears in my eye.

It somehow remind me of our first love for God. Do we still come to God with this innocence and pure at heart...? i wonder...

Camp...

2006-09-14T12:17:00.000+08:00

A group photo of the ICATS PPK camp. It was at mount singai... Will post an entry about the camp. At the moment, internet is extremely slow...

I'm no man of steel....

2006-09-07T13:15:00.000+08:00

Last weekend i was reminded of the simplest fact that we usually forget at times when we need to be strong and tough... i'm merely just human. I'm not sure about you, i sometimes feel obligated to be strong. If you are thinking of the need to be dominace, a superior feeling of taking charge or being up front leading soldiers to the battlefield, you judged me wrongly...

My sense of strength or being strong is not about biceps and triceps. Ironicly, is had to do more about our feelings and emotions. At that particular moment, i was convinced a punch in the face would felt like a mere pinch at the toe compared to the milions unexpressed feelings forced to silence deep down in the heart. That was my resort for being strong... being silence, ignoring this little feelings, injecting a full dose of numbness and putting on my best smile... All of these because i feel that i need to be strong...

Yes, i was sure i was strong enough. I was certain i have achieved what was needed. No sweat, no problem. It was easy as snapping your fingers. Voila... just shut up and keep silent... However, who was i fooling? People around me? Those who get to see my best smiles?

Surely, i proved to be the biggest fool at that particular moment. A fool who thinks he is strong but in reality is truly fragile. I decided not to kept silent, i wanted to speak of these little feelings. After merely few words uttered, i broke in tears. These tears caught me by suprise. I wish i could stop, but it was impossible. I just wept and wept... i forced myself to speak as i gasped and wept, believe me it wasn't easy. I'm was not sure what came out from my mouth made sense...

At that particular moment, being strong was no longer a need for me. I don't want to be strong... i don't to hold back these little feelings. I don't care what people say about a man crying.. it just impossible no to cry. At that particular moment, i felt that my tears was the best thing to happened and i'm not lying. It was almost as if over the time of silence, my feelings, thoughts and words has turned to a bag of tears waiting to burst out. That was exactly what had happened. My long silence broke into tears...

I felt better after that. I have learned (in an embarrassing way) that tears is a language for the unspoken feelings in our heart. A language that the heart recognize. You may not be able to relate to anything i wrote in this post, perhaps one day you will... in a particular moment. :p

R.A.Y.N.E.L.D the robot

2006-08-29T10:19:00.000+08:00

Guess what i found... hehe.

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alt="Robotic Android Yearning for Nocturnal Exploration and Logical Destruction"
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I see monkeys jumping... (to the tune of, i see dead people)

2006-08-22T14:42:00.000+08:00

More than half of my month of August have just swift passed by. At the moment i'm trying to recalled some thoughts and feelings of these passed days. I remembered being extremely tired during the first week. I dreaded the time when i forced myself awake at 5.15 in the morning. Very much hated the time i spent waiting, especially in the car. Be at my very best behaviour by being supportive, always smiling while gesturing help whereas deep in my soul i was insecure and terrified. All done in the name of commitment for the one i whom cherished. :p

I gave thanks for the retreat we had. If there's one thing i have remembered from the retreat, it's has to be the moment of silence i had with God. It was something that i really badly needed to have. During one of our meditation and quieting down, Ohtawa read a portion from the Henry Nouwen's book (Here and now) that caught my heart. It was a portion that described how sometimes we are distracted by jumping monkeys on a banana tree (figure of speech) as we start to quieten ourselves down to meditate or to pray. I giggled at first, then i ponder at how true the profound statement was. I do feel the presence of these jumping monkeys. Been trying to identify these different monkeys ever since.... hehe.

I have make it a point to set a time apart for me to be silent and to reflect. I'm convince that it would be good for me. It would be a concerntrated effort to create time and space made available for God.

To Paul, a letter from my heart.

2006-08-04T15:43:00.000+08:00

Did a reflection on Philippians chapter one.
Decided to write a letter to Paul...

......................................................

Dearest Paul,

Greetings in the Name of our Father Art in heaven and our Lord Jesus Christ. How are you? All of us are worried and terrified when we heard of your arrest. Did they hurt you? Do have enough to eat? I pray and hope that you would not have to be forced to endure any of this bitter ordeal, that you would be spared from being their captive. We are touched and deeply moved by your praying spirit. Personally, I felt the same way for your passion for God. Even in the midst of hardship, you took time to encourage and even pray for us. For that, we are truly grateful.

I must admit, I’m startled and threatened by what have be fold upon you. There were times when I should have been courageous, but I chose not to. There were times when I could have shared Christ but yet again I have chose not to. I’m ashamed of myself for choosing to stay in my comfortable and safe zone when I knew I shouldn’t.

Your courage has inspired me. Your small and humble written words in your letter was enough to leave a big slap bruises on my cheeks. Don’t get me wrong, your letter was neither condemning nor judging. Reading your words translated to a faith in action was unbearable. It leaves me to ponder of myself and my shameful deeds. I almost felt like I was beaten up and left to reflect upon my life. Surely, reflect was what I did.

Nevertheless, it’s always encouraging seeing someone like you, standing up and pressing forward for the glory of God. Thank you for your letter. It has changed most of my standings with regards to Faith. It has spurred me to change, to be a better man. Before I end, I must say that you have a heart that beats after God’s heart.

Your humbled Brother in Christ,
Ray

I need to go to the....

2006-08-02T09:33:00.000+08:00

Sorry, i have totally forgotten that i was suppose to post this yesterday.

For those of you who may not understand, please read the previous post before reading this one ya.

Anyway, here's what happened.

.......................................

Tick Tock Tick Tock...... 4.30pm

" keebushhhhhh....." Momentarily after i have executed my plan, a common flushing sound was aired. I didn't bother to stay behind. I ran because i knew i would be late.... for my movie...

.......................................

Haha... well, how's that for a dramatic story. I hope you were entertained. i had so much fun typing this story. hehe...

Here's my 7FFQ

Who?
That's me, Ray.

Where?
Star Cineplex Kuching and the ugly unmaintained dirty toilet.

When?
A boring evening after work not to long ago.

What?
I planned to watch M.Night Shyamalan, Lady in the water when suddenly i had stomach ache.

How?
I drove to star cineplex after i had a late lunch somewhere office.

Why?
I was hungry and desperately needed to watch a movie.

So?
Never have "milo ais" and "Curry mee" before any movie. It's a lethal combination. :p

I was warming up my observation and interpretation skills. Will be having my first bible study for this semester with the Politeknik students this friday. Philippians will be our book study this semester.

Close encounter.

2006-07-28T10:04:00.000+08:00

Tick tock tick tock... 4.17 pm

I dreaded times like these. I somehow knew that i would finally be confronted, forced to be squeezed into a small four wall room. Never would i have ever imagine it could boil down to this. The twirls and swirls in my stomach was trying to indicate me warnings. If only there were sirens and red flashes to enhance the warnings about the danger that lies ahead, i would have heed the signs. I should have trusted my instinct. Too late for that now. I can only stiffen myself to help me endure the ordeal.

Tick tock tick tock.... 4.22 pm

Goodness! I couldn't believe my eyes. Five minutes has passed. I cursed at my luck and can't believe that this is really happening. "Come on!" i blurted out with a hiss while shuting my eyes tight and gripping my all right fingers into a fist. I was impatient, restless and overwhelmingly irritated. Cold beads of sweat slowly takes forms on my forehead. I kept my eyes closed to prevent the ugly surroundings from contaminating my eyesight. I was forcing myself to think happy thoughts.... "Darn!" Can't think of any at this moment. I held my breath. It was probably the best thing to do. I continued to push myself, pushing myself towards the end. This was taking a longer time than i thought it would...

Tick tock tick tock... 4.26 pm

I gasped for air then held my breath again. I have been repeating this desperate measures for a few time now. It's taxing and tiring that i could hear my heartbeat now everytime i held my breath. "Not long now" i cheered myself to sustained a little bit longer. My right fist was ready to perform what's needed and my left was practicing the swing. I had it all figure out. A step by step action that would end this time consuming ordeal. I go through these steps in my mind again and again till i could memorize it to perfection.

Tick tock tick tock... 4.27 pm

At last, the moment that i have been waiting for it's finally here. I wasted no time, i executed my plan with elegance and perfection. Every little drop of details was taken to heed. No room for mistakes. If i were to make it, this has to be perfect....

...........................................................

The story above, it's not a fiction. It's a true story that i have to endure not so long ago. You think you have what it takes to be a good interpreter? Try to guess what the story above is about. Will reveal the truth this coming tuesday. Post your theories and plots either in the chat box or comment box. Enjoy...

New kit, old ambition.

2006-07-27T11:59:00.000+08:00

Liverpool will start the new season of English Premier League with a new kit. The Reds who will be playing with their traditional red-clad jerseys has also opted to potray the "three strips" trademark of adidas as their kit sponsor this season. Anfield will relish the times they dominate the English Primier league as football giants and champions in the 80's and early 90's when they start the season with this new kit. The team was wearing adidas then. Could this be the beginning of a glorious victory in the league this season? No matter what the answer may be, it's a new kit for an old ambition.

The Reds have secured five new signings. Craig Bellamy, Mark Gonzalez, Gabriel Paletta, Fabio Aurelio and the most recent signings Jermaine Pennant. As you can noticed, these are not big names compared to the liked of Kaka, Shevchenko, Ballack, Torres and many more. Rafa Benitez (Liverpool's manager) didn't seem interested in signing any players from Juventus. Unlike Real Madrid who seize the oppurtunity to sign Cannavaro and Emerson after the Old Lady (Juventus) was demoted to Serie B. I thought we could have at least try to lure David Terzeguet to join Liverpool. Nope, i don't think that would happen. Again, it's new players for an old ambition.

I think we (Liverpool and i) have been fighting for this old ambition for quite some time now. I hope and wish that they would make it this time round. Like every Liverpool fan would say, our best player at the moment is Rafa Benitez. I'm crossing my fingers in anticipation that he have what it takes to make it come true before the old ambition turns to an ancient ambition.

New kit launch

Steven Gerrand and Xabi Alonso

Future England Captain.

A moment cherish...

2006-07-24T15:41:00.000+08:00

There is a picture that i hold dear.
Deep in my heart, where it's warm and free from fear.
A picture that makes me smile and sometimes walk at the mile.
A picture that needs care, cause it's very fragile.

This pictures hardly talks, it refuses to walk.
Ironicly, it's this pictures that taught me a lot.
A reason to be open, the strength to believe,
In something that was lost and shattered before.

Someone once said that a picture paint a thousand words.
Words of a tale that only the picture could tell.
I wish and hope, that i would read and see.
This picture has my name in it's tale.

What's your verdict?

2006-07-21T10:10:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i feel that my life is quite boring. Perhaps it's because of the choices i made. Safe, no risk taking and predictable. These choices that i have chose, are influence by who i am. It boils down to our personality and character. Therefore, my life is boring because i'm a boring person. In other words, my life is boring because i chose to be boring.

Our choices makes who we are. Agree?

Here's some caption of my life (this week and next) and my verdict.

12th July 2006
Had a staff meeting at 8pm. After staff meeting i drove to Kota Samarahan with Kim Cheng to visit a student in UiTM. After some chat Kim Cheng and i went for a late supper in Siang Siang Central Park. Suprised to meet one of my Politeknik student working as a waiter (Politeknik on holiday). She regularly attend the bible study group.

My verdict: 4 out 5 because of the pleasent suprised we gave to the student in UiTM and i had when i met a poli student.

14th July 2006
A good friend called and proposed to watch Pirates. I said yes. Told my brother, he said yes. I invited the Inti students, they said yes. Asked Joshua (J.O.S), he said yes. When asked was the movie good, i said yes. Before going to sleep i wondered if it was a good day, the answer was certainly yes.

My verdict: 5 out of 5. A good time with my friends and students. Plus an excellent movie.

17th July 2006
Went to ICATS cf. A lot of new students came. We also had visitors from Korea. They came to give testimony and perform a mime which was good for the students. It got them to think. The Koreans even sang a BM song. Managed to talk and have fellowship with them.

My verdict: 4 out of 5. It was meaningful to see the students being encouraged by the Koreans.

18th July 2006 (7.30pm)
For the first time, i attended a prayer meeting in Inti. The first time i drove and park in the inti compund (the guard even open the gate for me when i left). Had a good time with the students from Y.C.S (Young Catholic Students) as well. Felt closer with the students from Inti.

My verdict: 5 out of 5 simply because it was a rare oppurtunity for me to be closer with the students.

22th July 2006.
This is tomorrow. The intians have planned an outing to Fairy Cave, bau tomorrow. I have never been there eventhough i was brought up in kuching. The last time i went caving it was in 2004 in Gua tempurung with the UPSI students. It brings a lot of memories. (now i missed the UPSI students ;p) I'm excited. Can't wait for tomorrow.

Hopefully my verdict: 5 out of 5.

6th August 2006
Will be attending a convocation in Unimas. This would be a little tricky. For those for knows, they will understand why. Wish me luck. hehe

Hopefully my verdict: 5 out of 5. Would need to give a good impression. (might even need to lose a bit of weight)

8th August 2006 (for a week)
I'll fly to KL for this. It's my first ever staff retreat as a whole movement team with fes. Had one in April with Peter, Thomas and Annette at matang wildlife. I have been looking forward for this.

Hopefully my verdict: 5 out of 5. Looking forward for a refreshing and meaningful time.

Well, that's my boring life. Not bad huh?
No matter what choice we made, if we do it whole-heartedly, we will feel satisfied. Then perhaps boring would not be boring after all. What's your verdict?

I reached home at 12 midnight, last night.

2006-07-15T10:12:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt like:
You are so tense, you could burst. Drained to the very last drop of energy. Bored till you could memorize species of mammals in alphabetical order. The need to withdraw from your surrondings to find time for yourself. You have nothing to do. You have too much to do. Seeking something fun for yourself to indulge with.

Have i caught your attention?

Seek no further.... it's:

Simply phenomenal.
Captivating and thrilling.
Well balance showcast of cheeky and perky.
Appropiate sprinkles of unexpentancy.
Sweetest Hilarious Touches.
Decorated classic moments.
If you haven't guess.
It's the Pirates of the carribean: The dead man's chest.

I couldn't remember when was the last time i had such a good laugh in the cinema. I cheered and clapped my hands when Captain Jack Sparrow made a classic appearance. (it's really unusual for me to do so)

I really liked the movie.

Though the storyline didn't actually end, i thought the movie ended gently and gracefully with a slight twist to keep us with anticipation for Pirates 3.

Try not to miss this one, it's a classic :-)

I was not daring enough...

2006-07-13T15:19:00.000+08:00

Didn't manage to watch the movie last night. After the meeting, Kim Cheng and i went to visit a student in UiTM. Maybe i'll watch it tomorrow after INTI cf. Maybe i'll bring some of the students along...

Can't wait for tomorrow. However, have a bible study to prepare for the Intians first... hehe

Cheers and peace.

Not a bird, not a plane. It's a man with his 'tocang' beard, walking the plank.

2006-07-12T12:28:00.000+08:00

"Ahoy.. Avast me hearties, bring out the rum and celebrate for the captain is back."

Can't wait to watch this. I'm so thrilled and excited. The first movie (Pirates of the caribbean: Curse of the black pearl) was extremely awesome. I was captivated by Captain Jack Sparrow's swishy and fishy iconic role. I'm sure he is held in great affecton by a massive audience eager to see more of his adventure. If i'm daring enough, i might just catch the Premier show (in star cineplex, Kuching) at midnight. If i love it, i might just watch it again (another day of course) hehe... :p

"Shiver me timbers! Me be having staff team meeting tonight. Better be doing work or i'll be feed to the fish. Dead men tell no tales" "Gangway, all ye shark baits"

"Fair winds" (i might just be the next Captain Sparrow, grin... :p)

Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow.
The best actor i have ever seen.

Stand up for the champion.

2006-07-10T10:55:00.000+08:00

At last, the world cup has come to an end. The Azzuri (Italy) has proved that they are the best team this year. I think they deserved to win the most prestigious tournament in the whole wide world (except maybe for the Americans). As i watched the match this morning, i knew they would win. However, deep down in my heart, i wish that the French would produce the miracle they had against Spain and Brazil. It didn't happen. In fact, world cup 2006 was quite full of unexpected results. Lesson to learn: The ball is round, anything can happen.

Zidane ran out of magic portions. His magic tricks turn ugly when he decided to headbutt Materazzi out of frustration. Ouch... that might have hurt a lot. Materazzi will wake up the next morning with bad bruises on his chest for sure. Zidane will have to overcome sleepless nights and nightmares. Lesson to learn: If you really need to headbutt your opponent, make sure the ball is close enough to cover your acts.

Barthez didn't have have the heights to make penalty saves. If you notice, all of the penalty taken by the italians were destined for the top of the goal. Even Materazzi's equalizer in the 19th minute was to high for Barthez to save. Lesson to learn: Strips jersey will make you look taller, use it for penalty shootout to give yourself a psychological advantage.

I never like Italy because of some of it's infamous tactics to win a game. First is their defensive game, getting every man behind the ball. Then their aggressions and tough tackling play. Lastly their desperate act of 'diving' in order to claim penalty. Italy's main leading actor, Francesco Totti. However, they have repented from doing the dive and remained strong defensively. Lesson to learn: If you know your players can't act, drop the 'how to express pain agony' training sessions from your schedule. Apparently the referees have undergo training to spot wannabes actor.

This year's world cup was not as lively as i wanted it to be. Here's why. The live telecast were at odd hours. As soon as you wake up at 3am, you feel groggy and wondered whether it's worth the effort. All my favourite teams, Spain, Argentina and Brazil, didn't make the final. Lastly, i either watched the match with Peter or alone. Didn't really felt the excitement of the game especially when you struggle to stay awake. Lesson to learn: World Cup 2006 has come to past, get it over with. Next stop, English Primier League in mid August. Go Liverpool....

To some of us, football fever has ended. As for me, it's part of my life that keeps me excited and erm.... excited (can't think of another word lah). As for my closure for World Cup 2006, maybe i'll just sit down for the champion.

I see new Reds.

2006-07-07T10:31:00.000+08:00

As the world cup awaits it's closure this sunday, the Reds have already secured four new signings. Though they are not big stars of the football hall of fame, but Rafa Benitez believes that these new signings would make a difference in the team. In Rafa we trust.

Craig Bellamy, a controversial striker from Blackburn.

Fabio Aurelio, a brazilian left back from Valencia.

Mark Gonzalez, the much awaited Chilean left winger from Real Sociedad.

Gabriel Paletta, a defender who-played in the under 18 world cup with Barcelona's Lionel Messi.

The new training kit looks awesome. hehe...

My phone rang to the sound of kungfu hustle.

2006-07-06T11:24:00.000+08:00

Last night, a friend called. She is teaching in Niah, i think. She kept telling me the name of her school everytime i asked. However, I kept forgetting. She's a good friend whom i'm blessed to have since i was student in UUM. Talking to her last night recalls quite a number of memories. We had a slightly more than an hour of chat and talks.

She will usually call when she is upset. (When she is upset with me, i doubt she'll call me). :p Last night was no different. She is upset by the setbacks of being a teacher in a rural area. It's hard for her because she felt alone. There's lack of community support. From what i heard, her only true companion are her students. Even then, having students as friends can be frustrating.

Talking to her last night, made me think. No doubt, acceptance in a community is important in our social life. Often, when failed to be accepted, we are trapped in our own home. Apart from people at work, we only have our family or ourselves (when we live alone) to socialize with. Have you ever talk to yourself? Sad right...

After graduating, most of my friends who were active in church and cf are now struggling to attend church. If they attend church, they chose to remained silent and not to be known by others. When asked why, their answer was they would not want to be involved in church activites and sometimes feel they are unwelcomed.

It's sad. Church is a part of our community support, a family when we are away from home. A place where fellowships are formed and friendship are established. It's a place to grow through ministries and services. A church should be a place of our own.

Perhaps we(friends and graduates aliked) should think and reflect more on this issues of church. Perhaps we should be more humble and openned to be shaped by God. I know there are times where we feel inferior to others when it comes to attending church (believe me, i have been there), but perhaps going through this process will help us understand the purpose of a church. Only then, we would understand and know where we stand in the midst of the society.

To my beloved friends, hang on out there ya.

Semifinal tonight...

2006-07-04T15:55:00.000+08:00

Semifinal between Germany and Italy will be tonight, or rather early tomorrow morning.

I hope Germany will win. I have never like Italy, not sure why... hmmm...

Germany will need to win the game within 90 minutes. Extra time or penalties would probably be an advantage for Italy. I think Italy will be playing a defensive game today. They will be stronger during extra time. Fitness will be the key to win this match. Germany didn't play convincingly against Argentina during extra time.

My prediction:
If 90 minutes: Germany 2 Italy 1
If extra time or penalty: Italy win.

I would to see a France vs Germany final.

Note: Brazil has yet to win the world cup on European soil. They will have to try again in 2010.

No cupid in World Cup...

2006-07-03T14:06:00.000+08:00

The heartbreakers

Cristiano Ronaldo

Thierry Henry

Luca Toni, Italy's striker

Portugal's keeper, Ricardo

Jens Lehmann

The heart-broken

Dida

Ronaldinho

Shevchenko

John Terry

Not so super.... (oh)man.

2006-07-03T09:53:00.000+08:00

Hollywood is hoping that Superman returns would be a blockbuster. The trailler was very impressive. The glimpse and portion of the movie shown in the trailler was enough to stir excitement and anticipation. Everyone was talking about it (i'm not implying only children). Have to admit it, i was looking forward to see the men in blue and red cape back at the silver screen.

If you think i'm trying to be critical, i'm not. My title above is my conclusion of how superman was potrayed in the movie. Therefore if you have not seen the movie, i suggest that you watch it first (one of my best friend is in the entertainment business, don't want him to lose his market ;p). Then come back and read some of my thoughts of the movie.

Firstly, time line is important. If you get this mix up, chances are you will be lost during the movie. The movie takes place 5 years after superman left earth. What actually happenned before he left? That is up to us to pick up the crumbs that leads to the answers as the movie progresses. The flow of the plot was superb, keeping the audience only on the surface as slowly the curtain unviel the answers. However, while patiently waiting with anticipation, you will only discover that the long awaited answers were "not so super" after all. This was what i have discovered:

1. Superman has a son. (Which lead to discovery no 2.)
2. Superman is an irrespondsible and immoral Superhero.
3. Lex Luthor has lost his sense of wisdom after five years.
4. Lois Lane is blinded by the image of Superman (she see's only superman).

Ok, i lied. I'm being critical in the paragraph above. It just saddened me to discover the world's perspective of Superman is just mere outwards (his strength and probably his looks). Beyond that, his moral values are not take to judgement. Could a good person fight bad people but did bad things? (you know what i mean). A friend of mine suggested that Hollywood is trying to portray a new superman, a superhero who is also human. Perhaps it's true. Well, now we know Superman's weakness is not only kryptonite.

However, there were moments of the movie which i found was classic and refreshing.

1. Superman levitate slowly up to the sky with Lois Lane standing on his feet.
2. The beam from his eyes was not red in colour but heat waves.
3. His x-ray vision could see the heart, other organs and bones.
4. The scene where a bullet dented as it hit's superman's left eye, remarkable.
5. Emergency room: Superman was being treated but to no avail.

Besides moral issues and the studipity of Lex Luthor (who swindle an old lady to marry him for property inherithance, extremely desperate measures), i enjoyed the movie. Maybe i'm a bit harsh, but a superhero should also be good at heart and doings.

Do make comments to some my thoughts. Some of you may disagree with me.

Cheers, tears and anger...

2006-07-01T09:53:00.000+08:00

My most anticipate match last night took off with a bad start. Firstly, i missed the first 25 minutes of the game. Why? A friend, my brother and i decided to watch Superman at 8pm. 'Mana tau', the movie was two hour and fourthy minutes 'tambah pula' the movie only started at 8.30pm. Will blog about the movie in a later post entry.

As soon as my brother and i reached home, we quickly grabbed the remote and switch on the tv. My eyes automatically search for the current scores. 0-0

Then, the match was rather slow. Both teams have opted to play a cautious game. Ballack and Riquelme chose not to be adventurous. They knew, the slightest mistake could cost them the game. Most of the time, the ball was played in possession while sniffing and lurking for a good time for penetrate the defense. There was no risk taking, no creative sparks in the build up. Just plain passing the ball, usually among the midfielders than back to the defenders at the slightest sniff of threat.

The game only came alive when Ayala scored the first goal for Argentina. Threathened by the goal, the Germans change to a more attacking game. Bravely moving forward and taking chances. They also introduced Odonkor (a right winger with good pace and flair).

Contented by the scoreline, Argentina brought in Cambiasso for Riquelme. I knew straight away that Argentina will be playing a defensive game. Bad choice (i thought to myself), especially when it's 20 minutes to the final whistle. True enough, Klose scored the equalizer with a header. 1-1 the game goes to extra time.

Without Riquelme, the Argentinians seem so harmless. Ballack on the other hand was struggling with an injury. Besides corner kicks, there was no real threat during extra time. The game went to penalties.

Before the penalty shoot-out, Oliver Kahn went up to Lehmann. The previous heated rows between them took a new turn to what seems to be a time of encouragement and affirmation. It was a rare sight to see both players smiling at each other with Kahn's arm over Lehmann shoulder. Was i suprised to witness that.... He's (Kahn) human after all.

Lehmann is very good in penalties, he made two excellent saves for Germany. The trick to a penalty save is to predict the direction of the ball by reading the body language of the kicker. Is the kicker running from the left or right? Does he dropped his shoulders when he kicks the ball? Does he lean forward or backward when he kicks? There are lots of ways to interpret these body languages. Lehmann did well. Germany are through to the semifinal.

Cheers for Germany, tears for Argentina. Probably Cambiasso will be singing "don't cry for me Argentina" for missing the penalty. An anger outburst by Ayala and Heinze towards Oliver Bierhoff after the penalty shoot-out. (not sure what's that all about)

Two of my favourite teams are out already, Spain and Argentina. Sigh...

My most anticipate match is tonight....

2006-06-30T11:08:00.001+08:00

Tonight is the night, Argentina and Germany will be going for a fight. One is bound for semi-final, the other will have to overcome denial. Both will try to outdo their opponent, both will strive with competent. Yes, this certainly my most anticipate match for the night.

Between the post they'll be on guard, Abbondanzieri and Lehmann is up to the task. To their defender instructions they bark, hoping to keep clean sheets as they were asked. Shot blocks, diving saves are their expertise. If they performed, game will go to penalties. I hope this is the match to see.

Riquelme and Ballack will come head to head, the midfield is where they'll try to dominate. Long passes or short passes, these talismanic midfields have what is takes. Step-overs and back heels, these creative moves will make us stun to the max. Yes, surely the winner of this match will brag.

Crespo and Saviola are the Argentine's weapon, expected to transform into a lethal combination. German's attack are strikers from foreign, Klose and Podolski were born in Poland. Goals, goals, goals, they aim to deliver. For the fans out there, a reason to cheer. Hopefully this will be the match to remember.

I can't wait, i'm so exicted. I anticipate that this is the best. I hope, cross my fingers. That this is a classic match in the make.Couldn't imagine how these two teams will be put to the test. Only one will win, the other has to go back. I'm convinced, i have decided, that this will be a good match. Provided only the reffree does not show lot's of reds. ;p

Argentina's playmaker
Juan Roman Riquelme

Germany's Captain and playmaker, Ballack.

Made it at last...

2006-06-27T13:04:00.000+08:00

I'm very happy... :-) notice the smile. hehe

Managed to make recreate my blog. New features has been added my "Ray[s]ville" blog. I have always wanted to have my own photo on the blog. Did that!!! hurrah!

Now there's a chatterbox as well. (Thanks donald for using the chatterbox, you made my day) Do drop your thoughts and name, at least i know who is visiting and reading my blog.

Lastly, there the Ray[s]ville league. These are links to some of the other blogs i have been reading. There are quite interesting. The art of mind and thoughts being potrayed through computer screen. It's just amazing reading and identifying with others. Maybe they can inspire you to blog.

Well that's all for folks. Enjoy....

The fallen legend..... "Bengis Kahn."

2006-06-26T14:35:00.000+08:00

Peter (my housemate and colleague) and i watch the Germany vs Sweden match last saturday night. Much to our suprise, the match was lively and full of excitement. Peter was delighted with final score 2-0 of which was won by Germany. I can still picture his delightful grin and satisfactory smile whenever i close my eyes. I wonder if he had slept with that grin on his face until the next morning. hehe... Apparently, he join a competition organized by eastern times (previously known as Sarawak tribune) to predict the scores of all the matches after the group stage. I think he stands a good chance of at least winning the consolation prize.

It was a good match for the German. Miroslav Klose has really improved as a striker. Podolski is showing a good sign of a hot prospect for the future. Both of them showed good teamwork by complimenting each other during the game. They remind me of the chilean 'sa-za' (Marcelo Salas and Ivan Zamorano) combination in world cup 1998. I think the Germans stands a good chance of going to the final.

When all is going well for the Germans, there one person whom i think is unhappy in the German camp. Oliver Kahn, the first choice goalkeeper for Bayern Munich (who know's for how long), is well known for his arrogance and fighting spirit. His aggresion and determination strikes fear in any strikers who comes one on one with him during a game. Never mind that, even staring into his furious eyes could send chills down your spine (i could actually feel that now). It's because of this qualities, he is one of the most established and well known goalkeeper. His long CV could attract any big clubs to sign him. However, a glimpse of him sitting on the bench during that match sparks me with a new insights of him. He looks so human, so harmless. It was almost a pitiful sight. Losing his rank as a captain (to Ballack)and his position as a first choice keeper (to Lehmann) has surely crushed his image as arrogant legendary goalkeeper. His looks siting on the bench can tell you that he is not comfortable there, a disbelief stance, a 'i don't care' expression when his team scored. It's gives me a picture of a person whose pride is hurt but remained arrogant sitting on a 'pitypot'. No offense, but that was the picture i caught upon witnessing that particular moment. However, i do think that he should be the first choice goalkeeper for Germany.

Having said that, Lehmann also possess the same qualities as Kahn (only less scarry). With him (Lehmann) showing a good level of consistencies at every game. I think Kahn wouldn't be able to play for World cup 2006.

At the age of 38, this could be Kahn's last world cup as a player. Perhaps Hildebrand (German's third choice keeper) will take over as the first choice keeper during the 2010 world cup. I could understand his (Kahn) frustration and disgust. All he could hope and pray for right now is for Lehmann to get injured. Next match for the Germans is against Argentina. I think i will support Argentina. ;p

I'm getting married!!!!

2006-06-23T02:07:00.000+08:00

Suprised!?? Is it true?? Can it be real??? Why the sudden move, why now? Perhaps these are the questions running through your mind at the moment? I'm not getting married, but i caught your attention didn't i? Honestly, i wouldn't know what would suprise you more. By the news i'm getting married or the fact that i have decided blogged :p i hope the sudden update didn't cause you to fall off your chair. But then again, it would probably be ages after someone realize i updated my blog. If you happen to read this blog, please state the date you read this particular post at the comment box. It would give me a rough picture of how long it would take someone realized i have updated my blog. Thanks ya...

All the sudden i have this urged to blog again. I remembered at one point i have decided to just leave my blog unattended. I'm struggling with procastination and wanting to have a perfect post. At every attempt of posting a post i would spent hours in front of the screen but yet i couldn't bring myself to find the right words, right grammer, the perfect title, a punch line for my post. It was frustating not to achieved the level of expentancy you desired. (Reminded of how i felt when England played Paraguay during their first match of world cup 06)

It doesn't matter now (i hope). I would probably have the same tendency again at every attempt of posting a post. But at least this time, i'm aware of it and i could remind myself to keep it simple. Perhaps simple is good, perhaps simple is best..

Well, i have decided to blog again. Let's hope this time it will be a bit more consistent. Hehe

A new career.......

2005-10-28T11:19:00.000+08:00

You Should Get a MFA (Masters of Fine Arts)

You're a blooming artistic talent, even if you aren't quite convinced.
You'd make an incredible artist, photographer, or film maker.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

Meaningless???

2005-09-27T10:48:00.000+08:00

Ready or not, someday it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear.

So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won't matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived, at the end.

It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant

Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got, but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success, but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.

What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

"A friend send me this mail today. Wow! What a way to start the day. I got me thinking and reminded me of ecclesiastes."

2005-09-15T13:12:00.000+08:00

Your Power Color Is Red-Orange

At Your Highest:

You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth.

At Your Lowest:

You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked.

In Love:

You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve.

How You're Attractive:

You are very affectionate and inspire trust.

Your Eternal Question:

"Am I Respected?"

What's Your Power Color?

Sea water? No, thank you...

2005-07-30T07:50:00.000+08:00

Recently, the intian's, Peter and i went for an outing in Sematan. I was a bit reluctant to go at first (down with a flu the day before) but i managed to convinced myself to join the party. You know what? I'm glad i did. Not only we had a good time, it was also a good pause for me to ease myself, sit back and relax. After being away for more than six years from home, i was reminded of how beautiful sarawak is.

The beautiful scenery was magnificent. I sigh in relieved when i massage my feet with smooth white sand. The sound of coconut leaves flapping following through the strong breeze and wave crashing on the seashore keeps my heart at peace. Even the sound of screaming children having fun playing "Kaki Tiga" (a game with three slippers) was pleasing to hear. 'I wish i could to this often,' i whispered to myself. I grinned :) I then threw my attention towards the sea.

I never really like the sea.... My mind wanders as i recall when i was in primary four. My school's (St Joseph kch, which i'm proud of) boy's scout had an outing at the beach. As soon we arrived, all of us went straight to the sea. We had a lot of fun, i could still remember some of the smiles and laughther my friends and i shared. Some of us struggled to stay afloat eveytime a wave came crashing on us. (bear in mind i can't swim) Therefore some of us including myself will occasionally swallow salt water. Believe me, it's taste awful. When one of us say he is thirsty because of the salt water the he had been swallowing, a fellow friend started giggling and then eventually burst into laughter. When asked why, he unsheepishly answered he peed in sea. He burst into laugther again. 'Eeewww......' those were some of reaction our faces. We gave him a chase until the seashore and start to tickle him. He almost cried when the teacher came to his rescue. :)

However, that didn't stop us from playing in the sea again. The only time we retreat from the sea besides the chase was lunch. We spent most of time in the sea. By the time i reach home, my skin turned red and dry. It eventually started peeling. "Cool, brand new skin'' i said to myself. Those were the thoughts of a naive ten year old boy. ha ha ha That night, my mum has to find banana leaf for me to sleep on.(Sunburn! a bad one claims my mother)

I refused when Peter asked me to join them in the sea. There no way i'm going swallow sea water again.... :) i borrowed his digital camera and decided to take pictures instead. A fuffling time indeed.

Saatnya telah tiba..... :-)

2005-06-30T02:30:00.000+08:00

Setelah lebih kurang 4 bulan menyepikan diri... kini saat yang dinanti-nantikan....."ta daa" (diiringi dengan bunyi paluan gendang dan diakhiri dengan bunyi percikan mercun dan bunga api :p) ............ "POSTING TERBARU DI RAY[S]VILLE" Ha ha ha ha

Pada suhu 20'C dan dalam keadaan sunyi sepi, saya sedang menaip posting ini di dalam ofis. Ku mengeluh sebab kelajuan internet di sini tidak selaju ofis di KL. Sempat ku menguap depan komputer semasa menaip. "Tai..." ku mengeluh lagi. Pagi tadi ku terjaga dari tidur lebih awal dari biasa. Perbualan ibu bapa yang bersiap sedia untuk menghantar adikku ke sekolah membuat ku tersedar dari tidur. Mahu tak mahu, saya kena juga bangun seawal pukul 6 pagi.

Walaupun, saya mempunyai cuti selama tiga hari sebelum ku mula bekerja pada 1hb Julai, ku tetap ke ofis. Kemungkinan kerana ku tak tau ke mana harus ku pergi untuk menghabiskan masa cuti ku ini. Perasaan tidak rela untuk membayar RM 1.80 bagi senaskah surat khabar The Star memaksa diriku merintis alternatif lain - The Star: Online. Sarapan pagi tadi pun berbeza berbanding masa-masa yang dahulu. Menu kebiasaan teh tarik dan nasi lemak, kini digantikan dengan 'kolo mi' dan 'teh peng.'

Belum genap 48 jam saya di kuching, sudah jelas perubahan dalam kitaran hidupku mula mengambil tempat. Perubahan yang mungkin akan mengambil masa untuk saya membiasakan diri. Pada saat beginilah saya akan teringat saat-saat saya berada di ofis KL. Saat-saat yang akan ku hargai dan simpan di hati untuk selamanya. :-)

Suasana sunyi sepi dalam ofis sungguh ketara. "tik...tik...tik...tik..." bunyi tiap detik saat jelas kedengaran dari jam dinding yang tergantung di sebelah kiri meja saya. Ku sedar, tiap saat yang berlalu tidak dapat dikembalikan. Tiap saat yang berlalu tidak dapat kita kita simpan dan untuk digunakan kemudian. Oleh itu tiap saat yang telah berlalu harus kita pergunakan dengan baik dan simpan sebagai kenangan dan pengajaran dalam hidup.

Sekarang, tiba saatnya untuk sesuatu yang baru pada waktu ku di sini sekarang. Saat untuk menemui identitiku di tempat ini, saat untuk memupuk persahabatan yang baru dan saat untuk merintis kemungkinan [ moto baru TM :-) ]

Sekarang telah tiba saatnya................................

Penemuan baru ku...

2005-02-26T09:20:00.000+08:00

Akhirnya... Sejak belakangan ini hasrat untuk mencipta blog untuk diri sendiri semakin meluap. Tak sangka akhirnya sesuatu yang pada mulanya hanya perasaan ingin tahu, berubah menjadi realiti dengan hanya beberapa klik pada tetikus komputer. Ya, penemuan hobi baru ku ini akan membantu mengasah bakat seni menghasil karya sastera dengan ketukan jari pada papan kekunci. Sesungguhnya, seni ini bukan sahaja menguji daya ciptaan kita untuk menghasilkan karya yang baik tapi juga ketangkasan jari untuk mengetuk papan kekunci. Arrghh... ku mengeluh, kemahiran ku ini hanya efektif dengan dua jari sahaja. Tidak apa, saya akan mula latihan secepat mungkin....